Inside the Sacred Vow

Have you ever made a vow to someone? A promise you meant to keep? Something more than an I swear I won’t tell, cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye…?

For me, it happened twenty-five years ago. The day I gave my word for life to a young man named Brad Singleton. I was just shy of turning twenty-one and only had an inkling of how to be an adult. I was still scared of driving on the highway or traveling through big cities. I had never balanced a checkbook or shopped for groceries. With my sacred vow would come an immediate invitation to a shared life. It would be fun, and it would be hard, even from the beginning. But I didn’t know it then.

That day still shines vibrantly in my mind. It was a sunny warm May morning. I plugged in the hot rollers as a normal routine, but today I felt nervous. My hair had to look perfect. I took out the new Mary Kay makeup I bought for the occasion. At noon I would be driving to Vorland’s Photography with my dress for pictures. May 16th, 1998 the day of our wedding.

I was certain I knew Brad better than most girls knew their man. After all, we had been dating for what seemed like years, but actually only amounted to one year and 2 months. My parents were quietly happy for me, and a little nervous as they drove me to the photo shoot. We decided on having professional pictures before the wedding, and my mom’s strange earthy friend would take candid pictures at the ceremony. This was not my first choice, but moving up the wedding date from August to May made plans hastier.

    I had no idea that people might think moving up the wedding date was scandalous. It seemed like a brilliant idea to us rather than spending a whole summer apart. After all, we were meant for each other. Why wait a moment longer?

     In the dressing room at the photography studio, I started to feel jittery. Brad was about to see me in my wedding gown. Would I be breathtaking in his sight? I hoped so. I dreamed so. Since I was just a little thing dressing up my Barbie and Ken dolls I had anticipated this day. My mom helped me put on the veil, and as we looked in the mirror, she said, “Dianne you look perfect.”

    I met Brad out in the hall. His dark tanned skin made his white suit coat with tails almost glow. He looked handsome and shy as he looked at me. I felt shy too, would we really tie the knot today? It had seemed like a far-off dream for so long.

“You look beautiful,” he said quietly and I believed him.

     We posed for pictures and tried to look relaxed, but we both felt the enormity of what we were about to do. The night before at the rehearsal seemed like a game compared to this. We posed for one more shot. Standing in the sunlight with trees gently rustling in the soft spring wind. I decided to put my lips together for this smile, something I rarely did. He leaned in, his face glowing with pride as if to say, I have won the girl. We stood tall, the young couple, her hair falling in loosened curls, and his, shoulder-lengthed, just touching his collar.

Flash!

    We both wore white that day because we had somehow remained pure. Getting engaged had made purity a struggle for us, even in bible college. One night we drove to Dowling Park, not far from campus. We parked the car just to talk. That was always the plan anyway, but soon we were kissing. Lost in the moment we suddenly shot up in the front seat. Pop! Pop! Pop! Something hit the car window. Brad got out to inspect his hotrod. Angrily he discovered bright yellow paint dripping down the back window. Someone had shot his car with a paintball gun. The mission of the anonymous menace was successful.

The mood was ruined.

    Before the wedding, we met at the church at 3:00 PM for pictures with the family. Our grandparents were there looking their best. How could we know that both of our grandfathers would be gone before we hit our five-year anniversary? We were just anticipating starting our lives together.  Certainly, it would end in living happily ever after.

    At 5:30 the Wedding March began to play. After three bridesmaids and three groomsmen took their places and my little niece and nephew threw petals down the aisle, it was my turn. From the back of the church, I could hear the minister say, “Please Rise.” The stirring of guests standing to their feet filled the air briefly before I took my first step. My arm looped through my father’s. He was so tall and proud to walk me down the aisle.

    At that moment, I was glad that we made it through the moody teen years. I was deeply moved that we were able to have the wedding in this little Assembly of God Church because my parents had rededicated their lives to the Lord. There was even a bounce in my dad’s step as he walked with me. During the processional, I felt all eyes focused on me but I looked beyond them to the dashing young man waiting for me.

    I gave my red rose bouquet to my maid of honor so he could take my hands in his. Looking into his warm brown eyes I tried to hold back emotion., His gaze was intense and powerful. As we vowed to stay true through good and bad times I couldn’t imagine that bad times could ever exist. My hands rested in his. The unity candle song started to play so we lit the candle together and signed the marriage license. Returning to our previous position we both surged with excitement as we anticipated the next moment.

“It is my honor to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. Bradley Singleton as man and wife. Brad, you may now kiss your bride," the minister declared to the applause and cheers of our guests. 

    Kiss me he did, even though I don’t like public displays of affection, just this once I let him have his way. The platform we stood on was about 3 feet off the ground. After we had our kiss of declaration we shot off the front of the stage and ran right down the aisle and out the door. Neither one of us really knew why, it just felt right to take our life together by storm.

    It has been twenty-five years. When the children were young it seemed like time crawled by. Now it seems like in a blink of an eye his hair got thinner and mine turned gray.  We have argued. We have made up. We have made goals, changed jobs, and moved to new communities. His love has redeemed me countless times when I was at my worst. Together we fought to keep our hearts on fire for God’s people and the work of the ministry. When no one else stood with us, we stood together hand in hand and eyes on Jesus.

With two of our four children on their own and two left to go, we find ourselves in a new chapter. We could not see this day twenty-five years ago standing before a room full of family and friends exchanging vows. Yet Brad still looks at me with those warm brown eyes, and I love him even more than I knew I could.

    We haven’t enjoyed all of the finer things in life, and we don’t really mind. Love started in a little bible college courtyard between classes. It grew over reheated chicken noodle soup in dorm lobbies. It was fanned into flame after long walks and talks about the hope of Jesus in a broken world. Its embers still glitter and glow as we debate grace and truth over bowls of cereal on Monday mornings after our two youngest children have finally gone to school. His hand still comforts me when the going gets tough, and I would really like to turn from my convictions and high-tail it in the opposite direction.

Yes, the day still shines vibrantly in my mind when I said “Yes” to love for a lifetime and friendship through thick and thin. This happened the day I sprinted down the aisle with my partner in life to take on the world. When I exchanged my maiden name for his name as my own, the day two became one.

Love looks differently inside the sacred vow than flipping through a magazine full of wedding dresses. It shines truer than the wedding tabloids hanging in the check-out line. It is not just dancing in the rain. Sometimes it requires making up in the dark after a horrible disagreement because no one was really right. It is holding each other when the roof seems to be caving in and sharing joyful tears when your child receives good news. It is about you and beyond you. This is what I have learned these past twenty-five years.

And I am glad to still be in love with Brad Singleton.

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